God's child

It's a bit odd sometimes having young parents. I guess I really didn't notice it all that much growing up, but now being more than half their ages, its just weird. My dad will be forty years old in February; I'm twenty-two. In appearance we look more like brothers than father and son. So much so, he tends to ask every waitress or cashier what our relationship is; he gets quite a kick out of it. But I just feel awkward sometimes. I'm sure in part is because my parents divorced when I was six and that I moved out of my Mom's house at sixteen, but still it's awkward just the same. I am not extremely close with either of my parents, though I've always been pretty close to my mom. Genetically, I can see in both my mom and dad the traits I’ve inherited and such: sensitivity from my mom, cocky humor and wit from my dad. Sometimes I wish I had a closer relationship with my dad. Sometimes I think how nice it would be to be able to open to my dad and just talk with him about anything and everything; to seek advice and counsel, confidence and encouragement. It's nice to go and mountain bike with my dad and stuff, but sometimes I just feel more grown up than he is; how young and arrogant of me. I think it’s just that this that I would like from my dad is that which I once had with my grandfather. Growing up my grandfather was always there for me; He taught me, He inspired me, He encouraged me. It was from him that I gained my character, my generosity, my need for adventure; oh, the tales I have to tell. It is a goal of mine to write these adventures one day; one day. Sometimes remembering the past brings endurance for tomorrow; tomorrow brings new adventures to soon remember. Father, let me always be close to the children you one day give me; let us have grand adventures...

Remembering Grace

One of the greatest parts of life is being faced with what seems to be an insurmountable challenge and then through grace and sheer heart pounding, sweat breaking determination what once seemed impossible resides only as a gleeful memory of triumph. God’s sense of humor and timing of trials tends to bring forth an inner laughter in my laugh. It must be the same type laughter that Sarah let loose as an angel told her she would finally become a mother at ninety; I’m not quite sure but it just seems so similar. My papers are finished for this fall semester and as always it was but by the grace of God, which is quite frankly the underlying theme of my entire life and existence. So like usual I had planned to write my papers at the end of the semester and by the end of Thanksgiving break I was well on my way to a little chip shot up to the green and putt to make par without breaking a sweat; haha right. So during my break I had written a little over eighteen of the twenty pages that were due the following Wednesday, with only five pages of content to go on an exegetical due Tuesday, and then a super easy 5 page church evangelism strategy deal due Thursday; piece of cake. Well Monday morning I found myself sitting in class on time for once and had an urge from within to back up all the work I had done on break to my jump drive. So I dug through my bag, but just could not find the drive, so I decided I’d do it later… Well, go figure the urge was God giving a bit of warning as usual because less than an hour later I felt my hear sink as my computer gave up the ghost. On the outside I believe I was somewhat calm, but inside I felt as if I had just stepped out of an airplane at ten thousand feet with a defective parachute. Apparently, the once easy chip shot was now to be made in a raging hurricane and then only if I could borrow someone else’s wedge. One would think having an expensive computer die unexpectedly would more or less suck, but no, oh no I wasn’t worried much about the computer at all really, I’m they are replaceable, but the hours, upon hours invested in eighteen pages of one the hardest assignments I’ve ever had, that was to say the least, a bit frightening. But even through all this, I knew my God is bigger than any of these “little” problems so I Pressed on getting what needed to be done, done. For some reason every thing that so worried me about the situation seemed to dim and have little phasing effect upon me; every time I thought, “how can I get this all done?” God reminded me of all He had done before:

"Alex, remember how I took care of tuition? Alex, remember how I took care of your car? Alex, remember how I gave you a place to live? Alex, remember and have faith I Am bigger than anything you will ever face; I will get you through."

By Tuesday I had finished the exegetical and went to a computer repair shop to see if maybe, just maybe, my computers hard drive might possibly still have those papers I really did not want to or have time to rewrite. The time at the store seemed like an eternity and a half as the computer lady attempted to access the needed information. Time and again it just did not work; I think it’s been quite a while since I’ve prayed as hard as I did that day. Finally she found that my hard drive worked! And by God’s wonderful and continuous grace my papers were recovered. I’m not quite sure if anyone has ever felt so blessed after their computer has broken. God I remember; help me never to forget and let me always live in Your grace...

Is "dork" even a popular term anymore?

If per say someone, not me of course but; a um, friend of mine, yeah a friend of mine, would on occasion happen to have the inner desire to make fun of myself, I mean himself, because I; He! just tends to act like a dork most of the time; does that make m, him crazy? Yeah, yeah so on the inside I find a lot of humor in the fact in how much of a dork I act like, ok am, how much a dork I am. I mean writing this just proves the point doesn't it? Still yet again another example; apparently according to this one youth pastor I know, cough, Danny, who I recently; yesterday, went and spoke at a lock in for said I tend to use the words "I mean" quite frequently when preaching: it's better than saying "ughmmm" though isn’t it? I mean; haha just kidding, though I probably should look back on my writing to see how many times my fingers use the phrase "I mean." Anyways, I've had this passion and desire for a while to start a traveling evangelistic youth ministry deal where I go and speak at youth events and fun stuff like that. I'm not really sure how one starts such a ministry; I guess I’ll find out though because lately God has been convicting me a bit on how passive I am in certain areas of my life. So God says to me, Alex stop being a pansy and be a man (1 kings 2:2 "...be thou strong therefore, and shew thyself a man." See, there is a Biblical basis why there is no crying in baseball.) Yeah so there are a few things in life I've to quit being afraid of (once again making fun of my self in my head: "I’m such a girl.") and just step up to the plate and swing instead of watching everything go by. Well, back to me being a dork, so this whole concept popped in my head today while driving. Usually when I'm driving for hours on end I'm by myself, and usually I spend a good hour or so hitting the scan button on the radio and then "singing" the song attempting at times to guess the lyrics I don't know, oldies and Motown are preferable, Christian and country songs are easier, but they work too. Yeah, so that being said my thought in the car was "It would be quite nice if I had someone to go with me places" (which is dork for a wife.) But, then I thought if someone were riding with me and I was putting on this concert of hits from today, yesterday, and bunches of years ago they would probably look at me as if I were a loon of a dork. (Loon of a dork? That doesn’t even make sense.) Yeah, but hey, I probably am. I think I need sleep; I’m rambling like Donald Miller. Though in his ramblings He did have a really awesome quote about the beauty in God holding all the stars and knowing what He’s doing; though a dork I may be; watching the stars over Georgia tonight as a drove through the dark mountain foothills reminds me that God loves me still.

Deborah Theory

In a matter of strong dogmatism to the degree of a pit-bull with juicy steak; there seems to be much less fuzziness in the Bible in its teachings against women in roles of spiritual leadership and authority over men. With that statement I’m sure I have encouraged a few set of cross hairs upon my brow and probably is a good indication as to why I am single, but this concept must be understood with great humility and gentleness both as this author is a male and by the females who might choke or rebel upon being contended in her belief structure over this heated issue.

One may misinterpret this theory and find the author to be a male chauvinistic pig, so let it be said that this is not a debate over equality issues between men and women in value. As far as value goes the Bible is clear: women are far more valuable than men. (“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” Proverbs 31:10.)

Concerning any topic one's theology must be consistent or else you may find that your conclusions are based on experiences rather than a consistent Biblical footing or dancing around an issue by stating is a "great and indiscernible mystery." In most all debates such as this there can be but only one right answer and I am quite timid on proclaiming that Deborah Theory is 100% God's view on the matter but I am in humbly reserved in thinking that I am not that far off on this issue. The research that spawned Deborah Theory has come from the basic yet direly relevant question of today: Should women be pastors? Deborah Theory seeks to answer that question as well and give a basic overview of a women's role in Christianity, firmly rooted in a rebuttal stance on the subject of Deborah's role as a Judge in Judges 4.

In seeking to understand the role of men and women one must first start at the dawn of existence in the opening chapters of Genesis.

And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul…And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh…
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. (Genesis 2:7,18-24, 3:16-20)

In Genesis we find the account of creation of the man from the dust of the earth and the breath of God and then later God forms a counterpart for Adam out from Adam in essence signify that this is not a different creature, but at the same time it is. The passage continues to give information about marriage and the marriage union. It must be noted that Eve was not created with a lesser value than Adam but she was created after, from, and for Adam who also gave her, her name (a practice continuing today in marriage of the bride receiving the groom’s surname) signifying his leadership in the family unit.

The third chapter of Genesis expounds upon the fall of man into sin. Here it is important to examine the aftermath of the event in that of the cursing. God’s cursing of Adam and Eve greater reveal their roles to each other and in life. Adam because he disobeyed God by allowing her to eat of the tree as well as par take of it himself is defined as primary provider and protector of his family. Eve on the other hand is situated as her primary role as a mother and is put under the strict authority of her husband. But what does all that have to do with Deborah’s situation in the book of Judges?

The story of Deborah is quite familiar and popular as a Children’s Bible story. The setting is that of the Promised Land during a period after the time of Joshua and prior to the rule of the Kings of Israel. This time is commonly referred to the time of the Judges hence the Biblical title. The basic happenings of the book is perpetual occurrence of repetition of Israel’s fall into sin, attack or occupation by pagan nation (which was suppose to have been done away with under Joshua’s leadership,) and then eventual repentance and deliverance. During this time of occupation and then repentance God would usually call out one termed a “judge” to lead the nation and deliver the people from oppression.

And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time. And she dwelt under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in mount Ephraim: and the children of Israel came up to her for judgment. And she sent and called Barak the son of Abinoam out of Kedeshnaphtali, and said unto him, Hath not the LORD God of Israel commanded, saying, Go and draw toward mount Tabor, and take with thee ten thousand men of the children of Naphtali and of the children of Zebulun? And I will draw unto thee to the river Kishon Sisera, the captain of Jabin's army, with his chariots and his multitude; and I will deliver him into thine hand. And Barak said unto her, If thou wilt go with me, then I will go: but if thou wilt not go with me, then I will not go. And she said, I will surely go with thee: notwithstanding the journey that thou takest shall not be for thine honour; for the LORD shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman. And Deborah arose, and went with Barak to Kedesh. And Barak called Zebulun and Naphtali to Kedesh; and he went up with ten thousand men at his feet: and Deborah went up with him. (Judges 4:4-10)

Upon first glance the passage seems straight forward: The woman in charge tells the general to take care of the bad guys because God will give them victory, but the general doubts her “prophetic order” and explains how he will not go unless she accompanies him which is obviously because he has little faith in God and is afraid to go against their adversaries, so she aggress to go with him but says the victory will lie in the hands of a woman and that is how it happens. That is what the passage in Judges is saying is it not? I mean that is the story I heard as a little kid so it must be right. So right there is a spectacular example of God’s use and blessing of a woman in a high ranking leadership position or is it? let us delve a bit deeper into this text beyond first glance and try to find the proper understanding of this text in the Biblical context.

There are three key things in the first sentence of this passage that dictates the theme of the rest of the story. First, we find that Deborah is a prophetess and there is nothing wrong with that. There are many occurrences in scripture where God has ordained certain women as prophetesses in both Old and New Testaments (Miriam, Exodus 15:20 ; Huldah, 2 Kings 22:14 ; Anna, Luke 2:36) as well as there being false prophetesses (Noadiah, Nehemiah 6:14.) So it is understood she is a prophetess, meaning she speaks for God when He calls her to.

Secondly, Deborah is married to a man named Lapidoth. Too often have I heard how Deborah was a judge over Israel because her husband Lapidoth refused or declined the position; why else would he be mentioned in the text? In all honesty coming to that conclusion is a result from nothing else but egregious exegesis. If one does a study on women mentioned in the Bible there is a common occurrence; nearly every time a woman is listed and every time a true prophetess is mentioned she is associated to the male authority figure over her and in one instance found in Romans 16:1 where it seems no male authority figure is available for Phebe so instead she is associated with her home church having authority over her. (Phebe is another widely used argument for women to serve as Deacons in the church because of an attempt to mistranslate the Greek word diakonos, transliterated Deacon, but in this case translated servant as in many other instances. Paul only uses diakonos to mean Deacon when talking about the office which is only to be held by men as prescribe in Phillipians 1:1, 1 Timothy 3:8,12.)

Thirdly, in this passage it is stated that “she judged Israel at this time.” But what is so important about that? Well, here one must again look into the context of the book of Judges and examine just exactly how one becomes a Judge.

And when the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised up a deliverer to the children of Israel, who delivered them, even Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother. And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he judged Israel, and went out to war: and the LORD delivered Chushanrishathaim king of Mesopotamia into his hand; and his hand prevailed against Chushanrishathaim. (Judges 3:9-10)

But when the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised them up a deliverer, Ehud the son of Gera, a Benjamite, a man lefthanded: and by him the children of Israel sent a present unto Eglon the king of Moab. (Judges 3:15)

And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, which slew of the Philistines six hundred men with an ox goad: and he also delivered Israel (Judges 3:31) (not an Israelite, rather a pagan)

And the children of Israel cried unto the LORD: for he had nine hundred chariots of iron; and twenty years he mightily oppressed the children of Israel. And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time. And she dwelt under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in mount Ephraim: and the children of Israel came up to her for judgment. (Judges 4:3-5)

That the LORD sent a prophet unto the children of Israel, which said unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, I brought you up from Egypt, and brought you forth out of the house of bondage; And I delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians, and out of the hand of all that oppressed you, and drave them out from before you, and gave you their land; And I said unto you, I am the LORD your God; fear not the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but ye have not obeyed my voice. (Judges 6:8-10) (not a judge but God sent a prophet)

And there came an angel of the LORD, and sat under an oak which was in Ophrah, that pertained unto Joash the Abiezrite: and his son Gideon threshed wheat by the winepress, to hide it from the Midianites. And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him, and said unto him, The LORD is with thee, thou mighty man of valour. (Judges 6:11-12)

And after Abimelech there arose to defend Israel Tola the son of Puah, the son of Dodo, a man of Issachar; and he dwelt in Shamir in mount Ephraim. And he judged Israel twenty and three years, and died, and was buried in Shamir. (Judges 10:1-2)

And after him arose Jair, a Gileadite, and judged Israel twenty and two years. (Judges 10:3)

Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah, and he passed over Gilead, and Manasseh, and passed over Mizpeh of Gilead, and from Mizpeh of Gilead he passed over unto the children of Ammon. (Judges 11:29)

And after him Ibzan of Bethlehem judged Israel. (Judges 12:8)

And after him Elon, a Zebulonite, judged Israel; and he judged Israel ten years. (Judges 12:11)

And after him Abdon the son of Hillel, a Pirathonite, judged Israel. (Judges 12:13)

And the woman bare a son, and called his name Samson: and the child grew, and the LORD blessed him. And the Spirit of the LORD began to move him at times in the camp of Dan between Zorah and Eshtaol. (Judges 13:24-25)

Those are the passages dealing with all of the Judges and how they attained their position as Judge. Now it is quite interesting to examine these different verses comparing and contrasting them. One stark difference does tend to stand out among the various Judges: Some are indicated as called by God and others seem to have just taken the position. Looking back at the call of Deborah we find that though she was a prophetess, much like the prophet mentioned in Judges 6:8-10, she has no special call of God upon her to be a Judge and to take leadership of Israel.

Though the evidence provided so far may seem somewhat plausible it gets more interesting. In order to understand any Biblical passage fully one must search the entirety of the Scriptures to examine every reference concerning any given scriptural concept. Looking across into the New Covenant one finds the most convincing evidence concerning the story of Deborah and her role as a Judge.

And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of Gedeon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthae; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets. (Hebrews 11:32)

Now that is quite an interesting list of characters from Hebrews 11; commonly called the Hall of Faith and this verse gives a list of heroes, most of who are found in the book of Judges. But it is here that one finds an extremely interesting tidbit: why is it among Judges that Deborah is not mentioned, rather it is the so called “faithless and cowardly” Barak mentioned instead?

Alex Felton's Deborah Theory: The prophetess Deborah stepped out of God’s will for her life in taking the position of Judge over Israel during a time of spiritual crisis. Though she gives a prophecy to the General Barak to attack the enemy he is quite reluctant to venture off into battle knowing that Deborah is acting out of place as Judge over Israel. Still knowing her to be a prophet he wisely asked her to go with him as insurance over the lives of his men. Though the day was won by a woman as prophesied by Deborah it is Barak who lives on in the book of Hebrews Hall of Faith as the man who relied upon his God, rather than the illegitimate rule of Deborah.

For Love of the Game

What is the purpose of playing games? It seems rather likely that the first that will come to your mind in answering that question is the obvious: to win. Think about that though, do we play games with the sole purpose of winning? If that is the case then what is it about winning the we so desire? Is it the prideful feeling of victory? Is it relishing in the fact because your team won on Saturday you can rub it in your co-workers face on Monday? I mean there has to be a reason. What drives someone to use pine tar…err.. I mean have dirt on their pitching hand during the playoffs and World Series? Is it that winning is fun, prestigious, boastful, what? At times I’m sure I’ve fallen in to this mindset: why play if you’re not going to win? But that’s really not it at all. Playing a game is not and should not be about winning. We ought to play because we want to play because it’s fun! “Oh, but winning when you play is much more fun.” Well maybe, but then again maybe not for the team on the opposite side of the field. Playing the game is fun. Maybe I’m just a weird person but I like going into overtime because that is just more time to play the game. Even weirder, I don’t really like winning all the time; apparently I was dropped as a child a few too many times. Winning is good and all I mean don’t get me wrong I like to win, but if I’m playing against friends it’s cool when they win too. But I don’t necessarily play to win; I play to play. That’s probably why I like golf so much. In Golf one gets to play the entire round, whereas in team sports your either one the field or riding the pine or watching from the sidelines. I’d rather be on the field playing and lose a game than watch from the sidelines and win the game, but that’s just me.

Fear where hath thou gone?

Fear is a matter that I have found to be less and less of a focal point in my life. It seems to me almost a matter I should have some concern over, I mean, is it not usually good to have a wee bit of a healthy fear of things that may inflict severe to possibly decapilatory bodily harm? Maybe, but then again what do we really have to fear? Roosevelt said something to the effect of "all there is to fear is fear itself." What does that even mean; it is impossible and illogical to fear fear; why that’s circular fear reasoning. As Christians we should realize and remember that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but it is important to be a bit cautious in our decision making. If then God has not given us a spirit of fear, who has? Is fear demonic? We are to fear God though are we not? It seems that fearing God is a bit different than actual fear; fear comes with a negative connotation embedded within and that is not the God I serve. We never under any circumstance should huddle crouched in the fetal position with our thumb in our mouth hiding out of sheer terror of God, nor should we fear his chastisement when we falter. I think we are called instead not to understand fearing God as dreading his omnipotence in erasing us off the face of the earth, but to hold fast to our God, to cling to Him, to know who He is in that He is God. Not a god, not some cosmic bouncer like body guard, and not some title to go run and hide behind; He is God, the Alpha and Omega, beginning and End. God is in control and He has control over even the smallest of stuff. I love when during His conversation with Pontius Pilate Jesus responds to Pilate in this passage:

Pilate said. "Don't you realize I have power either to free you or to crucify you?" Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above... (John 19:10-11)

Do you think Pilate's mouth fell open speechless? I wouldn’t doubt it seeing as from that point on Pilate tried to Jesus off the hook. What then do we have to fear? Financial burdens? Family hardships? A loaded Colt 45 placed to our temple? None of those because my "fear" is not in the madman with his finger on the trigger, rather I submit my life to God and his protection and deliverance; the madman may hold the gun in his hand, but my God holds the inner workings of that pistol, let alone the anatomy of the madman's hand from becoming formless inoperable group. Should we then fear fear and put our focus on fear or should we put our focus on the omnipotent God. So now what shall we fear?

All this because I got a new bike, oh, and I’m still not too keen with heights…

God's humor...

So my birthday was last week and somehow I'm 22 now. It's funny how fast time goes by, I mean I can remember counting down the years till I could drive and now sometimes it feels like all I've done the past few years, not that I dislike driving. I once drove five hours Friday and five hours Sunday night every week for a year; I've driven about 45,000 miles over the last 3 years. But my birthday was very good though; my friends all got together and surprised me, well I knew something was up but still I was quite surprised, they took me out for dinner and then back to my apartment for cake and ice cream; it was really a great birthday. So the funny part about being 22 is still being single, epically seeing that all of my really close friends are married. But that's no big deal I've got a bit of patience, but God just has this sense of humor about Him, really it's quite funny. Take for example the ride to the restaurant on my 22nd birthday. My best friend is on the phone with a kid in the youth group from church checking up on him and he tells him it’s my birthday and hands me the phone. The conversation with this little 13 year old Venezuelan kid goes something like this:

kid - "happy birthday day, how old are you?"
me - "guess"
kid - "22"
me - "yep"
kid - "wow....22 and still single...."

How does one respond to that? With every ounce of wit in my body my best effort was dead silence. I mean what a birthday thought, but looking back it gives me a great story and something to laugh about. "Ha, ha God very funny," but God's humor doesn’t end there. The next night I'm in Tallahassee hanging out with my best friend and his wife at the Tallahassee mall sitting in the food court eating some mall Chinese. Then this older gentleman walks up; we had noticed him handing out tracts, he had noticed us pray over our food. He complimented us on our praying and then walked off. Two minutes later, He walked back over and said, "Which of you is called into the ministry?" My buddy and I both looked at each other, waiting for the other to say something since God has called us both, but seeing I'm in Bible College and all I replied, "I am." Never before had I had this happen to me so I waited in some form of shock and interest to what he said: "I don't do this often but I just felt the Lord leading me to come back here and tell you that your adversary the devil is going to come against your ministry and it will probably be through a woman." And then he walks away... For the second time in 24 hours all I have is silence. Here I am this 22 year old single guy waiting on the girl God has for my life and then I get a prophesy to be careful about a woman who could ruin my ministry, Praise God! I don't know, it's just all that funny to me, not that I would overlook a "word from God" for my life, but I won't let it imprison me in fear either.

a call and passion to write...

There are sometimes when all I want to do is write; as if God were saying unto me. "Alex, write!" I love writing. Where as once I was this little boy who dreaded having to write anything for school now it has become an overwhelming passion in my life. I think one of the first times I remember writing was when I was in elementary school; I had to finish some story about having some dinosaur or something: My grandpa (GP) who was the greatest influence in my life helped me write that paper. I remember writing again in middle school. This time it was a group project; somehow even though I dreaded writing papers I chose to be the writer on the project. Then again as a freshman in high school I had to write a fictional story; I did so with my Dad's help and wrote a story which led to the teacher to believe I had written about an actual historical event. As a sophomore I found wit in writing anonymous pithy comments in my honors English class each week in what was called "The Thought Pot;" once to waste class time, cause of course the teacher read them aloud in class, I wrote the alphabet on a sheep of notebook paper and tore the letters into their own pieces and placed them in the "thought pot:" the teacher thought it was some kind of "code," so we spent the class trying to decipher it. My junior year of high school proved to be the toughest for me. My honors English teacher was no less than a psychotic lune, but somehow, though I hated his class with a passion I learned the art of writing, as well as a bunch of grammar garbage (oooo alliteration) such as: "pigs in zen if it's in its pin." Which means of course that any punctuation goes inside parenthesis or quotation marks. Then my senior year happened; I found my self in College English in which each week we wrote a certain type of paper and then read them to the class on Mondays. It was here that God branded upon my life the power of written words; this class allowed me to write and read to a public school class of lost kids genre after genre of my own literary works with the sole purpose of Glorifying God and communicating His love and mercy to this class. I treasured the moments I spent reading those papers in class. I did not really write again for over a year until my second semester at the Baptist College of Florida. My first paper at the college is to this day earned the worst grade I have gotten on any paper at BCF, but this paper also received the greatest comment I have ever received on any paper. It comment reads something to the effect of how my paper was a bit off topic and did cover what it was intended to cover, yet it was the best written paper this professor had ever seen at the college. I have never been so proud of any paper, with maybe the exception of a paper I wrote six months later for the same professor which earned the rare, if ever occurring, perfect score. I love writing, I love the use of words in new ways, I love humor and wit, and I love touching other people through words God has given me to put to paper. My desire in life is to honor God in all He has called me to be and to write as He has called me to write.

Defining dissapointment and catching up...

The following takes place between 11:00pm and 12:00am. Tonight has brought a new defintion of disapointment in my life. Though very childish and quite whinny, it is all the same newly defined disapointment. Went to dothan this afternoon looking for a dart board, go figure its hard to find a dart board in dothan: but that's not the problem. While on this semi-quest for a dart board at Sam's Club I do indeed find a dart board, but, sadly i'd have to buy the pool table that comes with it: don't think so. So no dart board, oh well, no big deal. But what else did I happen to find, none other than "24" season four at quite a reasonble Sam's Club price! You see during this past summer, some how I managed (in the month of July, maybe first couple days of August) to watch "24" seaons one, two, and three. Watched seasons two and three with my Mom in Iowa; now she's hooked on Jack Bauer. So season four at last; it seems a reasonable buy, I mean about the same price as a month of cable and hey I'll ebay it when i'm done. No down side to this venture so I bought it. Then a few hours of intermission during which Danny nearly burned his house to the ground and some flag football. So I get home and finally set up the surround sound in the apartment; "24" demands surround sound. Finally, the time has come. I go retrieve the unopened box containing the chronicles of Jack Bauer's fourth day and with the percision of a druken surgeon dismember the warper from the, pull out the sleve holding the treasured DVDS, open each of the panels to get to Disc 1, and then............silence and utter disapointment; where disc 1 was to be nestled snugly with the little plastic middle holder thingy there is...nothing. Frantically, I thought out loud, "maybe it fell out, disc 2 did happen to fall as I open it." So I searched and search and out to my car to get my trusty mag light and searched some more. But it was all to no avail. Jack Bauer's "24" season four, disc 1, was MIA: missing in action... Of course it had to be the first disc to be missing because if disc five were gone, I'd be watching Jack torture some chinesse guy to find out information pertienent to saving the United States from utter chaos and mass causilties. What are the odds of buying a DVD set and it's missing the DVD... Aparently, I'm driving to dothan tommorow, but sleeping tonight. Anyways, somehow it has become the middle of September. My life has been rather stagnant, despite drowning in blessings; I am in need of revival. I spent the last part of my summer in Houston, Texas at my cousin's catholic wedding. I've come away with two major observations from that. First, Catholisim in general is no less than a cult on the level of mormons and jehova witnesses (The no lie prayed to a statue of mary.) Second, my summer reading project was Dan Brown's Davinci Code, really not that great of a peice of literature with the foucs being mainly on feminism and sex, but if from a catholic perspective only I can not fault Dan Brown with his thoughts on the "church" and "Catholic Christ." The wedding was intresting though, I was really tempted to tell the priest that he had a lovely statue of Jesus' wife... and then I went to Iowa, not to be mistaken with heaven. Spent time with my mom mainly watching "24" which was cool, but spent alot of time at the hosptial because my step dads mom was seeminly near death; she has gotten a bit better. But God let me minister to my Mom when she was in great need of me being there. Then back to Georgia to play electrician for a day, then 2 day vaction with dad, stepmom and lil sis kelsy in sky valley, Gerogia, then taking a nice drive over to northern south carolina (Green Sea) to visit old youth pastor for a few days with friends, and finally, capping the summer off with a pit stop in atlanta to catch a braves game (caught bp hr, got on big screen, and was on the espn,tbs highlight reels.) 1 summer, 3 continents, 11 states... bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep (24 ticking clock)......

Forcing God

On occasion I dream dreams, some I remember some I forget for a time. Months ago I had a dream that when I awoke I thought it was reality, but I quickly realized that those events had not yet come to pass. A week ago I boarded a chartered bus packed with excited teenagers and headed for Centrifuge at Ridgecrest, NC: The Southern Baptist Mecca. I was not looking forward to the week, not necessaraly because of the dream, but rather because of some of the other chaperones. The first few days of camp did not suprise me; they felt ever so empty, but it was wednesday evening worship that wore down on my spirit. I have never before been surrouned and so overwhelmed by such a spirit of vanity. All the while I heard God speak with clairity, "be patient, everything will be alright friday night." I had a great peace about it, but I was also afraid; I was to lead devotion friday night. After the vanity of wednesday I understood why my spirit was not at peace with the other adults I was serving with. Never before have I seen man try to persuade, coax, rather, force the Spirit of God to move in any time or place. Man's efforts to force God to do anything leads to nothing more than wounded and confused people. Praise be to God, He is bigger and can over come any false teaching and vainity filled efforts for God to preform on command at the whims of man. Despite every attempt of satan to prevent God from saving, changing, and restoring the lives a many students in our group, God moved in such power that I had never seen before. God used me in a way I had never been used before; He gave me the words to say and annointed them as they left my mouth and were recived by the forty or so present in the room. God's Spirit leaped out from me and engulfed the room and we prayed. Tears flowed like streams down hardened faces and I heard prayers of repentance of healing I so longed to hear in the kids I know and love so much. I wept in joy over the brokenness and satanic stronghold that was broken down in so many of their lives. God even suprised me with the salvation of one who had always been such a handful. The changes that occured where evident immediatley revealing God's power and glory, and may God be exhalted for His great grace... God works in His own time and is not the by product of camp, rather God can work when, where, however, and through whoever He so desires.

Merhaba and Stuff

Time goes by faster and faster it seems. Such is life I suppose, but a vapor here and then gone. My ten day adventure in Istanbul, Turkey has come in gone; a memory etched into my own mind and stills taken on a digital camera. It was an awsome experience both in the places I went and saw and the power and workings of the Lord God. For there is but one God and Muhammed is not his prophet, rather His name is Yahweh and His son is Jesus. I picked up a little bit of the turkish language in my stuides prior to leaving the country and even more so on the field which proved to be quite helpful, to the point that with an abudance of facial hair, a longer than usual head of hair, and a good tan many of the turkish people thought I was a Turk, anIranian, or even an Iraqi. The Turkish people are for the most kind extermely kind, giving, and receptive. Very few hold strickly to the teachings of Muhammed and the Quran comparable at best to back slidden Baptists or Christmas Easter christians. A city with 20,000,000 people spawns views of appartments in every direction; so many people but only an estimated 5,000 Christ followers. But God is in Istnabul and His Spirit is broody over the sea of aparments and traffic. Revival is comming to Turkey, but cease not in prayer and supplication but in all patience and ferverence praise the God of heaven. I will never be able to express everything I saw and felt in Istanbul but it was beyond my wildest dreams. A city that seems to never sleep, so big it reaches two two continents, Eurpoe and Asia, and as I see it safer than Graceville at town of maybe 5,000 where my apartment was borken into and robbed while I was six thousand miles away. So great is our God and so great is His love for Istanbul as well as my own. There will always be a piece of myself in Istanbul, how I miss it so already. By the way, merhaba means "hello" in turkish...

98,000 things to write about except church history and ethics...

Sincerly, there is about 98,000 things going through my mind that I right now would like to just sit down and pour into the binary code of my computer, in fact this is one of them. In a little over a month I will step foot into not only a couple diffrent countires but in fact two diffrent continents. Istanbul, Turkey; it used to be Constantinople, how cool is that. Ten days I get to spend over there doing missions stuff, i am quite exicted, I mean james bond has been there. Originally it was to be mother russia that i was to venture to and just because of who i am i began studying and learning the russian language. Then would't you know i've just about got some great basics of russian down when, God appears as if he is changing his mind and says, no no, lets go to turkey. So the Russia trip gets postponed, which means canceled and i'm off to turkey. Oh, and it's not that God changed his mind about where He was sending me He is just forcing me to do something directly told me to do two years ago that i haven't gotten around to doing; He told me, at summer camp in Ridgecrest, NC, to start learning alot of languages; apparently He wasn't joking. So now that i am semi trilingual little Engish, poco espanol, nemnoga paruski (if you can't read in tounges it's little enlgish, little spanish, little russian (transliterated russian)) and i've just started on some wonderful Turkish, marhaba, which is transliterated for hello and all i can say in turkish at the moment and i've also got the CD's to learn french, hey if nothing else it's "romantic." So beyond the language barriers I had this slight question about how am i gonna go to russia, now turkey with my unemployed budget? It is good to remember here that when God is quaterback and says hike your job is to be the receiver and start running and he'll throw you the ball when its time for you to catch it. ( a football analogy in baseball season, eh there playing football in europe right now so it works) so i sent out some letters, and of course they all have the russia deatils and i find out the trip is canceled a couple days after i send the out, i procrastinate and still can't win. but money has already flowed in and yesterday i spent 1000 bucs on a couple of peices of paper to get me on a winged machine that pretends to be a bird. The funny part about it all is, it didn't bother me at all to drop a $1000 with a click of the mouse. Which reminds me of one thing i must complain about, when God provides money don't waste it on stuff that costs more than it should. a buddy of mine is going to austraila for the summer to work as a childrens minister and going through the people orgainizing the tirp it will cost him two grand for his round trip, out of curiousity i priced tickets for the dates, with a couple more stops one can get to austriala for $750... why waste $1250? I mean you could almost fly three people for the price of one. Why??? that makes my head hurt to think about that oh, well. Well that pulls the number down to about 97,995 or so and i still don't want ot write about john wesley or my ethics paper, hey i've got a week, plenty of time....

Father, Son, and What's His Name...

It really ought not to surprise me, but I, in all naive hope still let it. There is a beautiful hymn that is sung quite frequently: “Glorify Thy Name.” I really love this simple little hymn. It has three verses and the only difference in the lyrics the first word of each line: Father, Jesus, Spirit. We sang that hymn in chapel this morning, and as I was singing the second line a thought hit me in my spirit. We are not going to sing the verse to the Holy Spirit. Sure enough after the second line just the instruments played the entire time we would have sung the stanza on the Spirit, and I just wanted to cry. The Holy Spirit within me grieved for the rest of chapel. It really should not have shocked me I mean this is a Baptist school is it not? Truly it has been a long time since I have felt the Holy Spirit move on this little campus; oh, how I wish God would breath revival over this campus in spite of our disregard for Him and His will. I am quite hesitant to say “Thus saith the Lord,” but I feel as if God is saying now what He said to the church at Laodicea in Revelation 3:15-16: “I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.” Forgive us Lord, show us your Spirit’s power once more…

Hard of Hearing

How often we feeble minded humans overlook God's work in and around our lives. If you think about it God is constantly at work; He dosen't sleep, He's omnipersent, He's omnipotent, with the exception of the 7th day about 6,000 years ago He hasn't taken to many breaks. Maybe my inability to sit still is just an overflow of God in me? But back to my main focus God is constantly working, not in vague impersonal way spwaned from Blackaby theology, but that the soverign God of the Universe is personally and working in, around, and through every aspect of your life. With that in mind it should be quite easy to understand that God is constantly speaking to us in our lives, we just are a bit hard of hearing. This has been a rather good week in my life; God's presence has filled me in a magnificent way and is continuing to grow in power. In this move of the Holy Spirit my desire was just to hear God speak to me, to hear His tender voice guide my steps. In God's great sense of humor He revealed to me why I haven't it lately: it wasn't that God wasn't speaking it was that I was not paying enough attention to hear and obey. Right now I am in the remote wilds of Georgia: Blairsville. While making the long drive I stoped at a rest area and it was there that God gently slaped me in the back of the head. Walking back to my car I saw a tall thin black man and as quiet as wind blowing through a vacant meadow I heard God somewhere in the back of my mind say "go talk to him." As quickly as I heard it I let it flutter through and out of mind in an instant, I mean I had a long way yet to go I had a destination to reach, no time to talk. But God as only He can in His loving grace used that tall thin black man who I would later learned to be Donnie Buckham, as he caught my attention as I walked past, keys in hand, and we conversed. As soon as Donnie had called out "sir" in my direction God whacked me up side the head and said "alex, you've been praying to hear me speak directly for a good while, if you don't listen when I speak what does it matter?" Needless to say that caught my attention fully, I spoke with Donnie a fellow beliver, he needed a couple bucks to buy a starter, funny enough I had stoped at a walmart earlier before and bought a dr. pepper with my new debit card cause the machines outside the stores did not sell bottles, using a pin number I really wasn't sure was right and for no real reason than why not I got cash back. All those little things God did to prepare me to talk to Donnie and I almost blew it, thank God He is full of Grace. Lord teach me to pay attention to you and your voice and continue to use me in great ways Lord.

But by the Grace of God

isn't it funny when God softly speaks thoughts into your head? the last couple years of my life have felt like a slow lonely walk through the valley. At times it's been a desprate struggle to just get a glimplse of the joy experienced on the mountian top of faith. Mark Rutland once said about trying to do ourselves what only God can do: "this year i'll be holy if it kills me, the only problem is it'll kill you if you don't wind up in a religious looney bin first, wearing a strait jacket in the fetal postion rocking back and forth humming Jesus loves me." I was almost there; there is nothing more that I wanted in life than to be holy, to be in God's perfect will, to love him and give my all to him. but through fear, sin, and eventually a bit of lonely depression I wanted so bad to just go home. Praise God He dosen't give up on us when we want to so badly. One day in half hearted prayer God removed my depression in what felt like an instant, it was just gone. My passion though was missing. I once had a furnace of passion buring within me and I miss it and more than that I know why I lost it. Don't ever, no matter what, ever, ever, ever ( oh Lord i'm sounding like Joel Osteen) give satan a challenge, turns out he is good at what he does, go figure. During the valley time I never quit having quiet times, it was very routine for me and sometimes I had sparks of passion within them but they quickly burn out. One saturuday in utter turmoil I prayed and had a sudden urge to read my Bible, somthing that I hadn't had in a long time, so I open and began to read, and read, and read and as I read through some of Pauls letters joy returned to my spirit, the furnace which had gone cold was re lit and the Holy Spirit moved in me as I had craved for what felt like ages. I was back where I needed to be, but once again I proposed a challenge to satan; he couldn't touch me I was on high, but as soon as I let the ignorance slip from my mouth I realized oh dummy why did you do that your in trouble now. That night as I praised God I wrecked my car, hit a deer and pretty much totalled the car. My faith shrivled and God took care of the situation, He put me in a new car and blessed me emensely beyond my imagination, but the damage was done in my spirit my faith was worn and once again the furnace had but a pilot light of life. It's been a few weeks since then and It's been a constant nag to find the peace I just had, but walking back after a day of class to my dorm God put a thought into my mind. I was trying to understand how it was that I was even still alive in life, and as clear as ever I thought, "I am who I am but by the grace of God" the only reason is God, hello? God loves me, God is taking care of me, God provides for me, Jehova Jireh. Truly He had never left me but carried me through the struggles and pain in my life. I wrote that on my mirror. Tonight God gave me just a bit more insight into what He told me a couple days ago. The thought that God had put in my head, He had some 2000 years prior placed it in the mind of the apostle Paul for a letter he wrote to the church at Corinth. 1 Corinthians 15:10 "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." Lord, let everything remind me of your grace, this furnace is willing let me burn like never before with you Spirit. I am who I am but by the grace of God...

Leadership

Honestly, I am not exactly quite sure as of to how I arrived at this place in my life. Last semester I had two classes on Leadership from which I don't think I learned anything what so ever. Maybe i just didn't like those classes I made B's in both which is slightly uncommon (an 89 in one, which by far is the absolute worst grade one can recieve, I mean if your going to make a B put forth an effort worth an 80 not an 89) but really if I am not learning I get less than acomplishable grades, but thats neither here nor there for the matter at hand. I need my spirit is a deep dispise or poor leadership. Lord why can't those in leadership postions actually lead for your glory and not to appease the world around us? God has put within me this driving desire to lead, to be a leader. Am I just a typical Baptist; full of strong willed opinions? Maybe, maybe thats it; from the outside looking in maybe I just am blined from the harsh reality of the difficult task the administration at BCF faces. My spirit disagrees: God is not pleased, and the students, faculty, and surrounding community are suffering because of it. Why did BCF spend over a million dollars to remodel a builiding, on the outside mind you, that is used roughly 3 hours a week? "But, it's the chapel, we need a place to worship and have chapel." This said by the same people who could not wait to get out of the gym so they could worship God again. God is a spirit and those who worship Him must worship Him in spirit and God does not dwell in buildings made with man's hands. The sad part is that it dosen't stop there. Student services exists to serve the students? Of course not, it does all of nothing. And it's a wonder why the school failed University status...

Joel Osteen

in all of 5 seconds i do believe my opinion of Joel Osteen changed dramatically. I had called my dad earlier today and later at dinner he returned my call and we talked for a bit and i talked to my sister about her birthday party, then out of the blue my dad asks me if i want to go see Joel Osteen in Tampa in December... "Joel Osteen," i thought, "he preaches about feeling good and stuff, robert schuller with a perm." but Joel Osteen...hmmm my dad even said he liked him and that he watches him on tv ( i wondered why they gave me his book for christmas) so what could i say but yeah i'd love to go. My step mom comes on the phone and tells me about it and stuff and says they were watching him the other day and she had once seen billy graham and would really like to go see Joel.... so it turns out i'm going to see joel with my dad, with MY DAD... My Dad isn't saved, a deist at best and we're going to spend "an evening with joel." well because my dad accepts and even respects joel i can't but accept him and pray that God speaks through him and touches my dad and stepmom... i guess i'll have to read his book now that they gave me... Joel's Gospel may be watery, but if it reaches my dad, if it brings him even half a step closer to a relationship with Jesus Christ, to God be the be the glory! and may God bless Joel's ministry.....

Revival

Revival.... the set four day week of the year where a fat little man comes to town yells from the pulpit and some people get saved.... Hallelujah.. or maybe better stated..amen... "what a revial we had last week, we had visitation teams going and bring people to church and some of them got saved and why we've even been spending hours in prayer for this week that God would work and change lives..what a good week brother...." "amen brother, amen..." am i saying this is a bad thing? well not, but its not a revival.... Oh, God do we need revival, oh, God do I need revival... I'm exahusted form utter stagnation in my life and i'm worn from pseudo spirit filled Christianity... Real revival is not screaming to sell fire insurance to lost people... not that reaching lost people isn't right, just the contrary it is of utmost importance, but revival is just that it's revival. It's a fresh wind and a fresh fire; its Acts chapter 2. It's not set aside a week and ask God to do somthing right then and there it's fall on your knees reptance casting off stagnation calling upon the God who died for us all to revive us, to fill us new and a fresh in grace and power. True revival happens not when we schedule it but when the Holy Spirit leaps into the open and wakes us up from our own ignorance and self works... i have but not to be ignorant anymore...God i submit to you all that i am...let revial, your true revival begin in me... Praise the Lord!