Hard of Hearing

How often we feeble minded humans overlook God's work in and around our lives. If you think about it God is constantly at work; He dosen't sleep, He's omnipersent, He's omnipotent, with the exception of the 7th day about 6,000 years ago He hasn't taken to many breaks. Maybe my inability to sit still is just an overflow of God in me? But back to my main focus God is constantly working, not in vague impersonal way spwaned from Blackaby theology, but that the soverign God of the Universe is personally and working in, around, and through every aspect of your life. With that in mind it should be quite easy to understand that God is constantly speaking to us in our lives, we just are a bit hard of hearing. This has been a rather good week in my life; God's presence has filled me in a magnificent way and is continuing to grow in power. In this move of the Holy Spirit my desire was just to hear God speak to me, to hear His tender voice guide my steps. In God's great sense of humor He revealed to me why I haven't it lately: it wasn't that God wasn't speaking it was that I was not paying enough attention to hear and obey. Right now I am in the remote wilds of Georgia: Blairsville. While making the long drive I stoped at a rest area and it was there that God gently slaped me in the back of the head. Walking back to my car I saw a tall thin black man and as quiet as wind blowing through a vacant meadow I heard God somewhere in the back of my mind say "go talk to him." As quickly as I heard it I let it flutter through and out of mind in an instant, I mean I had a long way yet to go I had a destination to reach, no time to talk. But God as only He can in His loving grace used that tall thin black man who I would later learned to be Donnie Buckham, as he caught my attention as I walked past, keys in hand, and we conversed. As soon as Donnie had called out "sir" in my direction God whacked me up side the head and said "alex, you've been praying to hear me speak directly for a good while, if you don't listen when I speak what does it matter?" Needless to say that caught my attention fully, I spoke with Donnie a fellow beliver, he needed a couple bucks to buy a starter, funny enough I had stoped at a walmart earlier before and bought a dr. pepper with my new debit card cause the machines outside the stores did not sell bottles, using a pin number I really wasn't sure was right and for no real reason than why not I got cash back. All those little things God did to prepare me to talk to Donnie and I almost blew it, thank God He is full of Grace. Lord teach me to pay attention to you and your voice and continue to use me in great ways Lord.

But by the Grace of God

isn't it funny when God softly speaks thoughts into your head? the last couple years of my life have felt like a slow lonely walk through the valley. At times it's been a desprate struggle to just get a glimplse of the joy experienced on the mountian top of faith. Mark Rutland once said about trying to do ourselves what only God can do: "this year i'll be holy if it kills me, the only problem is it'll kill you if you don't wind up in a religious looney bin first, wearing a strait jacket in the fetal postion rocking back and forth humming Jesus loves me." I was almost there; there is nothing more that I wanted in life than to be holy, to be in God's perfect will, to love him and give my all to him. but through fear, sin, and eventually a bit of lonely depression I wanted so bad to just go home. Praise God He dosen't give up on us when we want to so badly. One day in half hearted prayer God removed my depression in what felt like an instant, it was just gone. My passion though was missing. I once had a furnace of passion buring within me and I miss it and more than that I know why I lost it. Don't ever, no matter what, ever, ever, ever ( oh Lord i'm sounding like Joel Osteen) give satan a challenge, turns out he is good at what he does, go figure. During the valley time I never quit having quiet times, it was very routine for me and sometimes I had sparks of passion within them but they quickly burn out. One saturuday in utter turmoil I prayed and had a sudden urge to read my Bible, somthing that I hadn't had in a long time, so I open and began to read, and read, and read and as I read through some of Pauls letters joy returned to my spirit, the furnace which had gone cold was re lit and the Holy Spirit moved in me as I had craved for what felt like ages. I was back where I needed to be, but once again I proposed a challenge to satan; he couldn't touch me I was on high, but as soon as I let the ignorance slip from my mouth I realized oh dummy why did you do that your in trouble now. That night as I praised God I wrecked my car, hit a deer and pretty much totalled the car. My faith shrivled and God took care of the situation, He put me in a new car and blessed me emensely beyond my imagination, but the damage was done in my spirit my faith was worn and once again the furnace had but a pilot light of life. It's been a few weeks since then and It's been a constant nag to find the peace I just had, but walking back after a day of class to my dorm God put a thought into my mind. I was trying to understand how it was that I was even still alive in life, and as clear as ever I thought, "I am who I am but by the grace of God" the only reason is God, hello? God loves me, God is taking care of me, God provides for me, Jehova Jireh. Truly He had never left me but carried me through the struggles and pain in my life. I wrote that on my mirror. Tonight God gave me just a bit more insight into what He told me a couple days ago. The thought that God had put in my head, He had some 2000 years prior placed it in the mind of the apostle Paul for a letter he wrote to the church at Corinth. 1 Corinthians 15:10 "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." Lord, let everything remind me of your grace, this furnace is willing let me burn like never before with you Spirit. I am who I am but by the grace of God...